Most of us have either had one or got one: the old-faithful who can always be counted on if all else fails for either a good old snog and snuggle or damn good (and usually very wicked) sex.
The reason why we don't actually date these people?
Sometimes, it's because one of you is already involved with someone else (naughty).
Other times it's a grown-up realization that as much as you're really fond of each other, you actually don't have enough in common outside the bedroom to make it work.
If you've got the right personality for it and are both single, personally I think both sex and snog buddies can be a very good idea.
Having someone you can cuddle when you're drunk/down/just feel like it, quells 'skin hunger': the simple need to be touched and held by another.
Snog buddies remind us how good kissing and sexual affection is and keeps us feeling sexy and attractive. The 'drought' between partners leaves us a lot less parched and panicky than we would without someone's lips attached to ours on the odd occasion.
Sex buddies serve an extra purpose: they provide a safe, sexual outlet and stop us taking risks with someone we shouldn't.
If you're a horny little thing, tempted to start humping your workmate's legs when deprived of a bit, they're an even better idea.
Sex buddies serve an extra purpose: they provide a safe, sexual outlet and stop us taking risks with someone we shouldn't
Much better, for instance, to sleep with them than head down to your local with £20 in your pocket and a nasty gleam in your eye.
We tend to use condoms with sex buddies or both get tested and use condoms with other people - until such point where either of you meet someone you want a 'proper' relationship with and to be faithful to.
No, you can't keep them when this happens.
The point of having a sex buddy is null and void once you have sex on tap and continuing it means you're no longer SB's but actually having an affair.
Like all good things however, there is a downside.
If the arrangement works, you're far less motivated to find a 'real' partner - or tempted to make more of the relationship than is actually there.
Which is usually when you find out it really is possible for someone to be stimulating in bed but boring out of it.
Either that or you end up falling for them (and they don't you) or they fall for you (and you don't them).
Course you could end up falling for each other and live happily ever after but judging by the many emails I get on the topic, this happens rather less often.
Think hard before getting too gooey eyed: are they really relationship material or just a damn good lay!
QUICK FIX: HE'S GONE OFF SEX!
Q: When we were first married, my
husband couldn't get enough of me but lately he seems completely
uninterested in sex. The last few times we've done it, he had problems
getting an erection. Since then, he hasn't tried to have sex with me at
all and when I try, he ignores me and pretends not to notice. We've gone
from having sex once a week to once every six weeks and now no sex at
all for four months. I miss it and don't understand why he's gone off
sex entirely. We haven't talked about it, mainly because I don't know
what to say. I feel ashamed that he doesn't want me and don't feel I can
talk to my female friends about this. We're both in our early 40s.
A: Please don't feel ashamed. It's not your fault - or his, for that matter - and this is solvable. The erection problems may or may not be the reason why he's not interested in sex anymore. I suspect it is, especially given you were 'alarmed' and, I'm guessing, didn't hide this as successfully as you thought you did.
The first time a man doesn't get an erection on cue is a sobering experience, even if he's not sober. Erection problems aren't the same as low desire but if he experiences one, sooner or later he's likely to feel the other as well.
Only 7% of young men report problems being able to keep an erection. It's 12% by age 40, 18% by 50 - 59 and 25-30% by 60. Penises become more unpredictable as their owner ages and more vulnerable to his feelings and insecurities. So you need to be attuned to his emotional as well as sexual state for sex to be successful.
The next time it happens, let him know you think this is all normal so he won't panic or get embarrassed. I suspect embarrassment is why he's putting off having sex again. He's ignoring your initiation efforts because he's terrified he'll fail again.
This is, sadly, a very common scenario. We just don't hear about it because, like you, no-one talks about it. He doesn't because society says all men should be up for it all of the time. You don't because you think it makes you look bad (you're bad in bed, married to a closet gay guy, just not sexy anymore etc).
But if you look around your closest group of six female friends, I'll lay a wager that at least one other has a husband also saying no. Most women will confess an affair to a close friend within two weeks of it starting but very few will offer up a sex drought as a topic of discussion
A: Please don't feel ashamed. It's not your fault - or his, for that matter - and this is solvable. The erection problems may or may not be the reason why he's not interested in sex anymore. I suspect it is, especially given you were 'alarmed' and, I'm guessing, didn't hide this as successfully as you thought you did.
The first time a man doesn't get an erection on cue is a sobering experience, even if he's not sober. Erection problems aren't the same as low desire but if he experiences one, sooner or later he's likely to feel the other as well.
Only 7% of young men report problems being able to keep an erection. It's 12% by age 40, 18% by 50 - 59 and 25-30% by 60. Penises become more unpredictable as their owner ages and more vulnerable to his feelings and insecurities. So you need to be attuned to his emotional as well as sexual state for sex to be successful.
The next time it happens, let him know you think this is all normal so he won't panic or get embarrassed. I suspect embarrassment is why he's putting off having sex again. He's ignoring your initiation efforts because he's terrified he'll fail again.
This is, sadly, a very common scenario. We just don't hear about it because, like you, no-one talks about it. He doesn't because society says all men should be up for it all of the time. You don't because you think it makes you look bad (you're bad in bed, married to a closet gay guy, just not sexy anymore etc).
But if you look around your closest group of six female friends, I'll lay a wager that at least one other has a husband also saying no. Most women will confess an affair to a close friend within two weeks of it starting but very few will offer up a sex drought as a topic of discussion
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